Monday, 23 December 2013

Gaudete!



As another year lurches towards the edge, I could go all introspective and maudlin...BUT ITS NEARLY CHRISTMAS!

So here instead is the Tales of the Oak Christmas Special, a wee slice of Christmas fear...

You may also enjoy this selection of festive treats.






Wednesday, 4 December 2013

I'm Waiting to be Offended

for all I know, this image may be dangerously out of context...

A silly poem, swifty scribbled and growled through a rictus grin...

I'm waiting to be offended,
And I really won't like it one bit.
Whatever you'll do will be awful,
And I'm simply not standing for it.

Maybe you'll use a bad swear word,
Perhaps inappropriate slang,
Or do a revolting hand gesture,
Or refer to someone as a "wang"

Perhaps it's because of the context,
Or your outdated views on x/y,
Your belief in divine intervention,
I must have my right to reply.

I cannot come round to your viewpoint,
I'd rather we were all the same.
I won't be agreeing to differ,
And I think we all know who's to blame.

Could be I won't like how you say things,
It won't be so much what you've said,
It's more how you looked when you said it,
I'll assume you'd prefer I was dead.

I don't want to hear things that upset me,
Can't we just have this sort of thing banned?
Lock up the stupid and tactless,
Then at least we'll all know where we stand.

All I know is, it won't wash at all, no.
I knew to expect this from you.
You're precisely just that type of person,
Who offends with whatever you do.


We've all done it. Especially you. No, not you - you. Precisely.

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

A Nip In The Air



So far this year, with the support of Heritage Lottery Scotland, Magic Torch have given you TWO WHOLE FREE BOOKS, Wee Nasties and Tales of the Oak - both still available online.

Now is your...let's call it a "lucky chance", to give a little something back. Torch are currently fundraising for contributions towards our next years projects - and if you enjoyed this years mix of free childrens books, comics, folklore and storytelling...then you won't be disappointed.

To help, we've released a new ebook collection exclusively on kindle which is ideally suited for this time of year. There's a wee bit of everything from doomed love to haunted industrial wastelands and it can be yours for a mere 99p - blimey, that's way less than a non alcoholic mulled cider drink or crepe from a European Christmas Market. And with at least half the calories.

Family member getting a kindle for Christmas? Know an elderly relative in need of a scare? Then show someone the price of your love - all 99p of it. Though I would argue there is at least £1.89 of value.

You can get A Nip In The Air on amazon now, all profits following enormous amazon cut, will be reinvested in local heritage projects run by volunteers, no individual contributors will benefit from it's sale...

And if you have enjoyed that, then don't forget our original classic folktale collection Tales of the Oak is on sale as well.